Hello darkness my old friend
Paul Simon
It’s been several weeks since I’ve been able to communicate with anyone. No internet, no phone, no television, no radio, no TV, no newspaper, no books—nothing. Not even the chance conversation. But, you know that. Except, there is no you. There is no me. Whatever. The benefit is complete unadulterated solitude. Me or not, I’ve grown to enjoy it. Yes, very much.
Knowing that you won’t read this, can’t read this even if you want to, in no way disturbs me. I’m not writing it. I can’t write. I’m not thinking it. I can’t think. Being and nonbeing arise together but nonbeing goes on forever. I’m surprised at how quickly I’ve grown used to it.
You will hear nothing more, see nothing more, know nothing more from me. There is no me. Never was. The Buddhists were right about this. Ultimately. A mysterious momentary coming together of elementary particles once and only once that quickly disengage and fly away to become other things. Particles that can’t think. Particles that can’t feel. Yet a combination of particles that intuit thinking and feeling.
Feelings, what are feelings? No feeling is a feeling just like zero is a number or the null set is a set. The ultimate empty nester. No feeling is a feeling as nonsensical and contradictory as that may seem. You don’t agree? I can’t convince you. You must find it out for yourself.
People, some people, have wondered since time immemorial why there is something rather than nothing. Developed theories. Written books. Well, nothing is something. So there, that is the answer.
Complete and utter silence. Complete and utter darkness. Complete and utter stillness. Complete and utter tastelessness. Complete and utter scentlessness. The five nonsenses. Imagine what it is like to have the sense knocked right out of you. I am humbled. I have nothing but gratitude. Occam’s razor.
Infinity in the palm of your hand. Eternity in an hour. How cool is that? Nothing and everything. Two sides of the same coin. One coin, two sides. Flipped. Most see with, not through the eye. They stumble in the dark. Miss the big picture. Live in confusion. Are surprised when reality strikes.
No longer do I shave, shower, cut my hair, cut my nails, go to the dentist, go to the doctor, pay taxes, pay the bills, clean the house, stack firewood, garden, cut the grass, prune the trees, wash the car, take out the garbage, buy the groceries, get the mail, cook, wash dishes, wash clothes, iron, fold, make the bed, sweep the deck, read books, eat, fornicate, shop or do any other myriad of things.
Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another … Energy is an eternal delight.
No more exercise, diet, stress about blood pressure, cholesterol, worry about what others think. No more need to monitor the financial markets, pay any attention to the banality of politics, delve into the current scientific theories, decode meaning in the arts, work toward the reversal of climate change, support efforts to engender racial and personal freedom, strive to leave the world a better place. The serenity to accept the things I cannot change has replaced the hubris of my attempts to change them.
No more concerts, sporting events, rallies, fairs, circuses, beach parties, drugs, alcohol, weekend barbecues and other such overrated activities.
Human dynamics, human emotions, good and bad, love and hate, family, friends, enemies, professional, business, political, religious,-all such connections ceased, ended, disappeared.
Freed from the fantasies of entertainment apps, gaming apps, social apps. Freed from the fantasies of heaven and hell, UFOs, alien encounters, time travel, telepathy, ouija boards, seances and other eccentricities. No more distractions. No more monkeys jumping on the bed. Quiet time the doctor said. Free of anxiety, free of fear, free at last.
Wake, awake!
Old memory, new memory, subconscious memory, contrived memory, false memory, solid memory, melted memory, lost memory. No memory.
Live life, gift that it is, whole. Death is then a rest. Sleep is good. Death is better. Disagree? You may be right. I can’t argue, think or know. There is no me.
I haven’t seen any angels, devils, gods, saints, or ghosts or any of those who proceeded me. It’s no surprise since I am unable to see. They may exist. It is not possible to prove a negative. I am surrounded by infinity for eternity so I may be confronted with such things. But no luck yet.
The wind blows where it wants but who knows where it comes from or where it goes. No worries. No grief. No sleepless nights. No artificial intelligence. No quantum computers. No Deep State. There is no mountain top. No other side. No arc of the universe. Equilibrium is equality. It is a stable equilibrium.
No needs. No wants. No obligations. No questions. No mind-body problem. No body. No mystery of consciousness. No consciousness. No solipsism. No panpsychism. No system to defend.
Hollow be thy name.
Peace. Peace. There is peace.
Mistah Kurtz – he dead
Heart of Darkness, Joseph Conrad
The Hollow Men, T.S. Eliot