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Capitalism and Christianity make strange bedfellows.  To anyone, especially any Christian, who doubts this I would say:  read some of Tolstoy’s essays such as My Religion.  Tolstoy had many faults and his thinking on politics and economics was screwy at times but he understood Matthew 19:21.  One of his claims:  “Money is the new form of slavery, distinguished from the old solely by its impersonality, by the lack of any human relation between the master and the slave.”  (What Shall We Do Then?)  Christians sympathetic to capitalism have been engaging in exegesis to explain away Matthew 19:21 from the beginning but Tolstoy took it seriously.  A Christian capitalist might counter with the fact that Adam Smith, the recognized founder of modern capitalism and much admired by the libertarian branch of capitalist evangelists, wrote A Theory of Moral Sentiments as a companion to The Wealth of Nations.  I would say “Bravo!”  Read it.  But, few economists today read it and fewer still incorporate it into their theories.

 

 

Relax.  We are not gathered here today to be serious.  We are gathered here for one purpose only:  to celebrate Easter.  No matter that Americans have turned the Christian’s second most holy day, Christmas, into a retail mania or the most holy day, the celebration of Christ’s resurrection, into a feast of chocolate bunnies.  I am not here to judge.  Christ brought a sword.  I bring mezcal.  Mezcal is the only proper way to celebrate Easter (or any other important day) in my small mind.  (For my blog on A Personal Mezcal Tasting click HERE.)

 

 

I am writing today to explain why Easter and mezcal go so well together.  Bear with me.  I think you will find what I have to say is, if not exactly the “gospel” truth, at least plausible and equally deserving of your serious attention as the idea of a bunny rabbit scurrying around with a bunch of colored eggs to deliver to vulnerable children earmarked by greedy candy companies as customers “for life.”

 

 

My story begins with the Aztec goddess Mayahuel.  There are several versions of the Mayahuel legend, many available online with a few clicks.  The following version is my own drawn from those I’ve read or heard.  I’ve used a little creative license.  I do hope that no one is offended.

 

 

Mayahuel was the goddess of the agave plant and of fertility.  Many of you may know that the blue agave (maguey) plant (not a cactus but a succulent) is used in making tequila.  What you may not know is that there are over 200 varieties of agave.  Many of these are used to make mezcal, a delicious smoky liquor produced in several Mexican states, primarily Oaxaca.  Tequila is one type of mezcal even if few call it such and it is not nearly the “best” in my opinion.

 

 

Aguamiel (literally “honey water”), the sap of the maguey plant, has been used for centuries by the native Americans of Mexico for medicinal purposes.  Fermented, the sap makes a beer-like beverage called pulque who some say provides a mildly psychedelic experience when imbibed in sufficient quantity.  When processed and distilled in the traditional way, the sap becomes mezcal.

 

 

As the story goes, Mayahuel lived hidden away in a far corner of the universe as the prisoner of her evil grandmother Tzitzímitl.  Tzitzímitl loved to eat human hearts.  The Aztecs were fascinated with blood and gore.  They believed that during a solar eclipse when the moon swallowed the sun, Tzitzímitl would swoop down to earth to devour all the hearts of humanity, a sort of Last Judgment for heathens.

 

 

The legend gets a little murky at this point.  A good god from the earth goes up to heaven to destroy the evil Tzitzímitl.  Some say this was Patecatl, the pulque god.  Others say it was Ehecatl, the serpent god, while still others say it was Quetzalcoatl, the god of wind and learning.  Like all religions, the Aztecs have their competing sects.  When the male god (Patecatl or Ehecatl or Quetzalcoatl) arrived in heaven he found the beautiful Mayahuel who (if you are underage, please do not read further) had four hundred breasts.  He was immediately smitten.

 

 

 

The male god acted as you would expect.  He whisked Mayahuel down to earth and impregnated her.  (This was not the Immaculate Conception, but you get the idea).  The result of that affair was the Centzon Totochtin, the 400 rabbits.  I think the movie Gremlins was based on the Centzon Totochtin but I’m not sure about that.

 

 

 

 

Tzitzímitl got her revenge.  She chopped Mayahuel into small pieces and scattered them throughout Mexico, mostly in Oaxaca.  Mayahuel, disassembled but still alive, became the maguey plant and the maguey plant became mezcal.  The 400 rabbits nursed on the 400 breasts and the rest is history.  To this day these divine rabbits travel throughout Mexico, frequent parties and gatherings and deliver the gift of drunkenness to the people, with each Rabbit representing the different ways in which a person can experience intoxication rather like Communion as practiced today by some Christians.

 

 

 

One of those mischievous rabbits became a very successful capitalist.  He invented and marketed the Easter Egg.  He worked incessantly on the idea until he discovered how to create a source of insatiable demand for his eggs among the rich gringos in the United States.  The trick was simple, just add chocolate and coffee to the mezcal and combine it with Conejo en Mole Rojo, a dish he learned to make from his great great great … grandmother, Mayahuel.  She, in turn, learned how to make this dish from her evil grandmother, Tzitzímitl.  Tzitzimitl used a special ingredient to get a unique red color for the mole.  You can imagine what that was. Our enterprising rabbit turned away from the blood and gore.  He fashioned a cute little white bunny of pure sugar and the gringos are still eating their hearts out to this day.

 

 

You might wonder if this is all just a fantasy that occurred to me while drinking mezcal. I can assure that it is the “gospel” truth. Jesus himself told me in a rare moment of revelation: “I would have used mezcal in The Last Supper but we only had red wine. I’d have given eternal life to those rabbits if they’d been willing to share just a sip of that fountain of youth, but they were greedy little buggers and they wouldn’t share. So, I one-upped them, self-ressurected, and left those Centzon Totochtin to chew the cud.

 

 

Those crafty little rabbits turned the cud into Easter Eggs and as Gus Portokalos (My Big Fat Greek Wedding) would say:  There you go.

 

 

I am not a Christian in the sense that Walter Kaufmann is not a Christian (The Faith of a Heretic) or Bertrand Russell (Why I’m Not A Christian) or Tom Paine (The Age of Reason).  But, I want to make clear that I wish no disrespect to those who consider themselves Christians including many of my good friends.  I invite all of you, Christian or not, to celebrate Easter with a taste of mezcal.  I do not advocate drunkenness.  I’ll leave that foolishness to the 400 rabbits.

 

 

As Spring struggles its way forward through the rain and snow, let’s give thanks to Mayahuel for the gift of life she gave to our Mexican friends, a gift they generously share with us.  Belly up to the bar in your best Easter outfit and raise a glass to the goddess with 400 breasts.

 

 

Jesus will not be offended, I assure you.  I’m convinced he would join in the fun if he were here.  Remember his words in Matthew 15:11 “Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man.”  President Trompudo might reflect on this verse which in his world of alternative facts is derived from the story of 2 Corinthians who walked into a bar.

 

 

I will leave you with a Lila Downs song I love that celebrates the wonderful mole sauce of Oaxaca.  Happy Easter !

 

LYRICS IN ENGLISH

Mole Cumbia

It is said that in Oaxaca Mezcal* is drank with coffee
It is said that in Oaxaca Mezcal is drank with coffee
It is said that herbs can cure wickedness**
It is said that herbs can cure wickedness

I like the mole*** that Soledad is going to grind for me
I like the mole that Soledad is going to grind for me

My dear Soledad
is going to cook a molito for me
under the skies of Monte Alban
At night I dream about you.
My dear Soledad
is going to cook a molito for me
under the skies of Monte Alban
At night I dream about you

It is ground with peanuts
Bread is also ground
Dried almonds are ground
Chilli pepper is ground
and also salt
Chocolate is ground
Cinnamon is ground
Pepper and cloves are ground
The moledera+ grinds

It is said that in Oaxaca chocolate is prepared with water
It is said that in Oaxaca chocolate is prepared with water
It is said that at the party, bulls will be burnt++
It is said that at the party, bulls will be burnt
As an offer to Soledad’s passion
As an offer to Soledad’s passion

My dear Soledad
is going to cook a molito for me
under the skies of Monte Alban
At night I dream about you.
My dear Soledad
is going to cook a molito for me
under the skies of Monte Alban+++
At night I dream about you